IT'S OVER! WE HAVE A WINNER!

THE BATTLE OF THE BEARDS
COMES TO A DRAMATIC END!

The epic battle between Rob Smith and Marc Schmid has come to a dramatic and sad end. After six months and five days of not shaving, grooming or trimming... six months and five days of agony, heartbreak, itching (and scratching)... days of tourture and many many high-fives and knowing nods of approval from other seasoned beard growers... ONE of our heroes has had to call it quits.

Say what you will... but when faced with a choice of shaving your beard and shaving your friend (out of your life if you don't shave your beard) the obvious choice is the friend. Because it's not the blood you spill that gets you what you want. It's the blood you share. Your family. Your friends. Your community. These are the most valuable things a man can have.

The beard had to go.

Rob Smith was faced with one of the most difficult decisions in his life. After all, he had endured the growing season for so long and to now, have this decision put on him was crushing. Rob (sources say) is in a wedding party of one of his great friends. The wedding is this weekend...

Marc Schmid then faced a friend/beard decision as well! He, too, had suffered at the folicles of his beard. But now his friend Rob was in a situation that he had no choice in. Marc had to make the decision... should he shave FOR Rob, so the contest ends and Rob walks away clean(shaven) OR does he stick to his guns and play the game? It was a decision that Marc had to make. Most men would be brought to tears. Do I play to win or concede defeat? The decision for Marc "Bear" Schmid was difficult... but, not having tear ducts or the ability to feel any real emotion (being German and a Schmid), the answer came quickly and easily.

MARC SCHMID HAS TAKEN THE GOLD IN BEARD FACE 9000!!!

Yes, in the end, it was Rob who shaved his beard and bid a slow, sad fare-thee-well to the facial hair that he never though that he would ever have. Marc now reigns supreme in the beard growing community of "20-somethings living in the Phillipsburg, NJ area".

The only question that now remains is... how long will our champ continue to keep the beard? Days? Weeks? Minutes?

minutes.

The beard doth grow good, my lord.

SEE the amazing beard-bodied man relax on a couch!

WITNESS how the beard has spread to our hero's upper body and arms!

TREMBLE before his undying tenacity to take this beard to the GRAVE!

Well... maybe not the grave. At least until the contest is over and a winner is declared. Where did this all begin? How did we get here? Take the journey back in time and ponder what becomes of a man who will risk it all on a single dare.

Who will come out of this with all their marbles? No one can say for sure. The one thing that IS certain: the fear of never seeing your chin again can drive a man to shave.

The weight grows ever more...

Thursday night, the bearded one lay on my couch. Confused, sad, and an air of despair surrounded him.

After we were able to clear our heads from the ridiculous Lost season finale, our hero attempted to sit up, only to topple back to the brown cushions he tried to leave. "I don't know how much longer I can go," he confides. "The beard... when this is all over. When one of us takes scissor in hand finishes the madness. This beard. It weighs heavily on my mind. It's become part of my persona. It's defining who I am and who I'm becoming... I don't know if I want to change. HAVE I changed? I don't know. How could I, after all? If it has already changed me in ways I can't perceive, how can I know for sure? Two months ago, I was full-on beard. Shaved the head. Went through the crazy looking phase. Now... now I don't know.

I just don't know how much longer I can carry it...

BIG HAIRY POSTS!

Big news is stirring in the land of the bearded.

Updates and News will be coming tonight and over the next few days...

STAY TUNED TRUE BELIEVERS!

INSPIRATION HITS!

BURKE KENNY: the title holder of world champion in the full beard, styled mustache division in the World Beard and Moustache Championships 2007.

May our champions one day reach such staggering heights and lengths.

Amen.

Photo (obviously) from http://www.beards.org/.

I mean, it's right there. Ya can't miss it.

The Schmid Boys

Lucky Week 13 + God = FUN!

I have been beaten up enough! Here is your update for WEEK 13! I know... I know... the posts have been lacking. I have my reasons but none are good enough to justify depriving you faithful beardies of your weekly bearding adventures and such.

This weekend was filled with a Schmid getting Baptized and Marc being in the same building as God (also know for traditionally having a beard). The two actually had a staring match (as caught here on a photographing machine I had set up for this epic encounter).

MORE TO COME! If you have beardface pictures... PLEASE! email beardface9000@gmail.com

It's the patriotic thing to do this April Fools Day.

I Repeat... DO YOU HAZ CRAZY?

for real... i ain't got the words.

more pictures, possibly a video, to come.

also, the week 11 pics i failed to post.

there will be a lot of pictures this week.

FEAR NOT!

I have been sick with the deadly flu/horribly loud coughing and hacking for the last week... but SOON! Yes, SOON (like, tomorrow) I will have NEW and EXCITING pictures of the increasingly disturbing growth that is coming out of Marc's face and neck.

If you have Robby pictures, please forward them to beardface9000@gmail.com

Stay tuned, true believers!

TEN: The Double Digits of Terror!

"It doesn't even look like you," I say to Marc following my taking the picture on the right. I hand him the camera and he jumps.

"Sweet Jesus! Who is that?!" he exclaims. The blue haired friend with crazy boots, who came with Marc to my house this afternoon, just laughs. Devlin latches on to his beard. He is not afraid of it. The six month old child stares at the bushy beard in wonder. It's as if he's trying to understand the beard. What is its purpose? Can I eat it?

Marc tells me that some people at his work scoff at his beard. In a mocking tone, Marc recalls past jibs at his beard's expense, "Ya gotta maintain, man. Ya gotta keep up your look. You're just dirty," and so on. "Please," says the bearded wonder, "what in your life is as awesome as my beard? hmmm? NOTHING. And WHAT, pray tell, do you have to keep up appearances for? You hate your lives. You hate your WIVES. You hate your jobs. I have an awesome beard. I think we know who the winner is here... ME."

I laugh. Devlin gives his Uncle Marc's beard a good tug. "Yes, it's real," he seems to confirm.

The house grows quiet for a moment. The dogs have accepted the strange blue haired girl for the moment. Marc takes a deep breath. He launches into a story of a video game tournament he was in recently. Super Smash Brothers or something. Anyway, at some point he has to go up against a young girl who has brought along her even younger sister. The gaming action was intense and Marc's beard was sweating profusely. Then, without warning, the young girl won her match. She would now be going up against Marc in the next round. Her little sister walks up to Marc and asks him how old he is. "What does that have to do with anything," Marc replies while ringing out his beard.

"You have a beard."
"Sooo..."
"You're going to win."

Marc took this in while the little sister ran off to take care of the young girl who had apparently gone to vomit and cry upon learning that she'll be playing Marc soon.






Amen, brother. Amen.

Marching into week 9!

This week, as the bead becomes great a bushy, we here at beardface9000 would like to offer this word of advise/warning...

IF you are in weekly update picture with Marc or Robby AND you are Brian F., THEN you will be EITHER: a) Butterflied OR b) Flowered

Take heed.



BUT! if you are a hot chick and want to be featured on BF9K, please take a scantily-clad picture of yourself with Marc or Robby (with Robby's girlfriend's permission, of course.) and email it to us at beardface9000@gmail.com. You too, could be nearly famous with your friends and the bearding community

Astonishing Week 8: Do you haz crazy?

So the last couple posts have been pretty heavy, I'll admit. I hope that you're all still with us here at BF9k as we near the 3rd month of our journey.

Here we are, fellow beardies (the new nickname i've given to you, the fans)! A mighty week eight is a blowin' here in Northwest New Jersey... and beard continues to gain strength. Marc and Robby Bobby should probably be on the lookout for disgruntled PETA volunteers with no monkeys to save at the moment. More and more, the beards are taking on a fur-like quality, giving our heroes a distinctive "sub-human" look as the facial hair ravages their usually soft and moisturized cheeks. Also, if you've had the pleasure of seeing Marc or Robby Bobby for realz, you'll notice that they squint most of the time. This is a condition that beard-growers suffer from due to the weight of the beard. IF they do not smile, or use some other cheek-flexing technique, CONSTANTLY, the weight of the beard will pull their faces off. Now, there have been documented cases of "beardfaceofficus" but the images are far too graphic to post here. And, to be honest, I really hope no one loses a jaw in this competition. Beardfaceofficus is a long slow pulling down of the jaw. A lengthening, if you will, of the muscles and tendons, until they can not bear any more pressure. This is why bearded folk are usually smiling and, if they are not, they are probably resting their beards on their enormous Paul Bunyon-esque chests that only the manliest of men have.

They are certainly not having fun nor are you as funny as their faces might indicate.

Waking up with a beard in strange places.

"He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than a man."


I ponder this statement as I ponder many quotes during the day. How many volumes does my beard speak? Will my beard bring about peace in some strange part of the universe that has yet to be discovered? Can I save someone with my beard from falling fragments of a discarded/exploded satellite?

As I think on these things, I scratch my beard. My thoughts wander away from me. Literally. The scratching sends me into a trance of sorts where my mind contemplates everything and nothing. It is blank and full at the same time. I can feel nothing but the satisfying scratching and hear nothing but the "skrittch skrittch" of my fingernails against my bearded cheek.

I pause for a moment. I find that I've closed my eyes and am laying down on my couch where I was, only moments ago, driving my car to the Wawa several blocks away. Suddenly, the Talking Heads song Once in a Lifetime starts streaming in my head. "How did I get here? How do I work this?" The sample repeats over and over again filling my head with an awful din so loud I have to cover my ears as if the music is coming in and not from within my own subconscious. I shut my eyes again, tighter than before, trying to squeeze out the song. The lyrics. The SAME lyrics are repeating OVER and OVER... FASTER and FASTER. Standing now, I grit my teeth and suddenly...

Darkness.

I open my eyes to darkness. I can hear my heart pounding.





That's when I wake up. It's 2:48am according to my cellphone. I look around. I'm sitting in my car outside my house. I quickly turn on the car and my CD player comes on screaming "Bulls on pah-raaaaaaaaaaid!"

I've been having the weirdest dreams about beards lately...

images from Marc Johns
he owns them.

Super Week 7: Tale of the Great Bushy Beard!

Staring head-long into the gaping mouth of week seven, Marc Schmid casts a cool glance to his right and says to me, "Steve, brother, I do believe the beard is taking over my mind. In time, dear brother, there may, indeed, be nothing left but a mere shell of the man I used to be. Remember me, please, as a man who risked it all, while daring greatly."

I nodded slightly. "Of course, Marc. Of course," I managed to mutter as emotions welled up behind my eyes. Fighting them back, as any good Schmid is taught to do, I took a long, slow pull of my beer trying to choose my next words carefully. It was, afterall, only the 42nd day of the year and not even 2 full months into the fray. I thought back to when I first learned of The Bet and how much I supported the venture. But now, face to face with my youngest brother's struggle, it was all I could do from weeping out-right.

Marc's head lolls back to looking straight ahead at my dogs sleeping on the couch in front of him. He smirks. I wonder if he's contemplating a simpler life. One that didn't involve growing a beard. But the half-smile quickly fades and the darkness returns to his eyes, like the beard is now growing inside of him. "Sometimes I dream about it, you know," he says suddenly. The remark catches me off guard and I jerk my hand, spilling some of my beer. "It's becoming more and more frequent and everytime I wake up in a cold sweat. Visions of my hair just falling off in clumps. I run to the bathroom, crashing into every possible obstacle in my path." He shows me multiple brusies and cuts on his shins and hands. Some are new and you can still see the thin line of blood that was drawn on some random sharp object. Many are old but still very visible. The bruises are many. I jest that he child-proof his house. He snickers and cocks his head to the side, showing actual contemplation.

"It may come to that," he offers in his usual dead-pan delivery. "I crash through the house to the mirror in the bathroom and switch on the lights. I stare deep into my reflection and touch my beard to make sure it's real." He shudders. "In some dreams, I dream that part and my beard is gone." The bearded man leans forward and puts his head in his hands. "I just don't know how much further I can go..." His voice trails off.

"Marc, if there's ANYTHING I can do for you, you know I'm here for you," I offer. It feels weak. Like I should be able to give him more. More words of encouragement. Of hope. Of... something. Something better than that. I put my hand on his shoulder and he turns to look at me, head still in his hands. His eyes are sunken from the sleepless nights.

"Are you kidding me man? I'm gonna win this."

And suddenly there's a renewed energy that fills his voice. He stands and takes a deep breath. The room seems to react to his presence and widens as if being blown up like a balloon. I know he'll be okay in this moment. I smile and agree with him.

But there are many more weeks to come. Many more dreams...

(Bearded) President's Day Weekend

There once was a time, some call it "the 1800s" when a man could be elected to the highest office with a full-on beard. One could say that President John Adams started the facial hair trend as the 6th President of the United States with distinct and well-groomed chops. But he was eclipsed by Martin Van Buren's (Prez #8) crazy and completely out-of-control "beard-like" sideburns that seemed to be the length of the hair on his head... well, the side of his head. You could argue that he had 2 beards! Quite the feat.

But President number 16, Honest Abe Lincoln, truly starts a trend that would last from 1861 - 1893. Ulysses Grant (#18) would pick up the slack where silly and horribly unfortunate President Andrew Johnson dropped it from 1865-1869. Following Grant was Rutherford Hayes (#19). Probably noted as the Presidents' President of Beards in some circles. James Garfield (#20) showed up next with a SERIOUS contender, but, alas, was not as crazy looking as our boy Hayes.

Oh, Chester Arthur... what were you thinking? Coming off of Garfield's amazingly popular beard you have... skinny chops and a mustache that NEARLY connects? I got news (albeit 127 years too late) for you... fat face and those whiskers don't mix. Grover Cleveland had a 'stache too, but it was brilliantly interrupted by Benjamin Harrison (#23) and his neatly trimmed Grandpa beard.

Since Benjamin Harrison, no President of the United States has worn a beard. I say, it's high time we get a bearded man back in office! This country needs a true leader! And true leaders wear the beard!!!

SO! On this President's Day, may you lift a glass to the Bearded Commanders in Chief... remembering their legacy and their beard-growing abilities.

President John Quincy Adams


President Martin Van Buren


President Abraham Lincoln


President Ulysses Grant


President Rutherford Hayes


President James Garfield


President Benjamin Harrison


All pictures are from http://www.visitingdc.com

Sexy Week 6: Party on my face. You're invited.

Forty-two days into the ultimate beard face challenge and both grizzly men are looking... well, grizzly.

Possibly sub-human.

BUT THAT'S A MOO POINT!* HERE! In week six are our heroes. Battling fatigue, in-grown hairs, sexless nights and clogged shower drains they soldier on their way to victory! There are many pictures for this week, I am VERY happy to announce. Finally, we are seeing the painful changes in our heroes as the beard hair slowly takes over their minds. Marvel at the rage! Gasp at the growth! Stare in HORROR as Marc slowly turns cannibal on an unsuspecting young lady's butt!

I CAN'T LOOK!!! IT'S TOO MUCH!!!


Beware... Marc will kill you if the mood strikes him.


Thanks to Laira for the pics! w00t!



*This is from 1 of 5 funny moments found in the "Friends" television series.

Furrious Week Five!

Ladies and Germs, I present to you... WEEK FIVE!

Marc Joseph walks fearlessly into lumberjack territory*. Should he get a hair cut? Blend it in? All I know is that he looks damn scary and the public bathroom camera shot just adds to the insanity...

As per the usuals... click Marc's OH so happy face to see it far larger than maybe more than you're looking for in a beard picture.

LOVE IT!!!





*Not the Monty Python version of a lumberjack.

Halloween Plans: Part 3

As the weeks tick by, we here at BF9K like to ponder just how amazing Marc's beard might get by the end of October 2008. To that point, brother Eric has suggested that "The Mad Monk Rasputin!" be entered into the "Possible Halloween Costumes Hat".

The costume, of course, would be legendary.

As would the party that he attends...



And because of that, it has been decided that BF9K will now begin accepting invitations to your Halloween Party. Now, don't be deceived. He will not be ACCEPTING to GO to your party just yet. All we're asking for is OPTIONS. Who will be there? Will there be hotties? Is there a theme that revolves around Marc? These are important questions that need answers before BF9K announces THE party that he (and his beard) will attend on October 31, 2008.


PS: Halloween is on a Friday this year. w00t!

Where is the power?

All the power is with the sex that wears the beard.

-Moliere-

More More Week Four (pictures)

Looking to save some shred of dignity in this bearded wonder contest, Marc "The Amazing" Schmid enters a Pie Eating Contest! Did he win? Alas, he did not. He placed "Smart" in the contest... right behind second and first (of the three entrants).

I know you know... but click the tiny image for biggness.

Week Fore: Part 1: The Picturingus Infection

Marc is a pizza party at all times. Also, he will fight girls. He is unafraid of their cat-like reflexes and claws.

Click for more bigger images that please you.

CALL TO ACTION!

Attention my dear beardface followers!
There are many of you out there that may have many opportunities throughout the weeks to capture the beasts of Rob and Marc on your cellular mobile camera interweb emailing devices that also capture telephone calls. If you do, i prithee, send them to beardface9000@gmail.com. Upon receiving any captured moments of Marc or Rob Beardface, I shall review and henceforth post any qualifying photographic images that are optimized for web and mobile device type viewing.

So... our journey together continues. Our heros in the thralls of week four battle desperately for their sanity... and sanitary upkeepings of their bearded chops.

Stay tuned for your weekly graphical updates! They are forthcoming and not suitable for children from 1 to 92.

Week Three: The Pain!

We meet our heroes in the depths of week three. A horrid week of scratching and itching as the beard begins to take true shape; carving out the daring duo's cheeks like a hot knife through semi-frozen cheese cake. This week, we have the pleasure of FINALLY seeing "the other idiot". I've been asked to simply call him "Rob" (probably his real name). So here you have it! WEEK THREE and both competitors show NO signs of slowing down...

But what's this??? ROB is showing the tell-tale signs of TRIMMING!!! This is unacceptable in this beard growing contest expert's eyes, but hopefully there will be some explanation. I'm going out on a limb and saying he has a girlfriend. Well... I don't really have to go out on a limb. I know he does. BUT, all the same, this is a beard growing contest! Not some namby-pamby well-groomed "Brawny Paper Towels Man" contest! If "Rob" is, indeed, trimming, all trimming/grooming must stop at once!

TO THE JUDGES, I SAY!

(Click all pictures to receive a larger viewing experience on your screen.)

Like the lions

"How womanly it is for one who is a man to comb himself and shave himself with a razor, for the sake of fine effect, and to arrange his hair at the mirror, shave his cheeks, pluck hairs out of them, and smooth them!…For God wished women to be smooth and to rejoice in their locks alone growing spontaneously, as a horse in his mane. But He adorned man like the lions, with a beard, and endowed him as an attribute of manhood, with a hairy chest - a sign of strength and rule."
-St. Clement of Alexandria

Halloween Plans: Part 2

a new idea from marc for his bearded halloween costume for 2008 was "the dude". again, i thought, brilliant! but, again, on second-thought... the dude only has a goatee. so that's out.

so who HAS a beard? a FULL beard. i have 2 new suggestions that i think will work VERY nicely.

Mel Gibson OR Uncle Jesse from the Dukes of Hazzard!