Astonishing Week 8: Do you haz crazy?

So the last couple posts have been pretty heavy, I'll admit. I hope that you're all still with us here at BF9k as we near the 3rd month of our journey.

Here we are, fellow beardies (the new nickname i've given to you, the fans)! A mighty week eight is a blowin' here in Northwest New Jersey... and beard continues to gain strength. Marc and Robby Bobby should probably be on the lookout for disgruntled PETA volunteers with no monkeys to save at the moment. More and more, the beards are taking on a fur-like quality, giving our heroes a distinctive "sub-human" look as the facial hair ravages their usually soft and moisturized cheeks. Also, if you've had the pleasure of seeing Marc or Robby Bobby for realz, you'll notice that they squint most of the time. This is a condition that beard-growers suffer from due to the weight of the beard. IF they do not smile, or use some other cheek-flexing technique, CONSTANTLY, the weight of the beard will pull their faces off. Now, there have been documented cases of "beardfaceofficus" but the images are far too graphic to post here. And, to be honest, I really hope no one loses a jaw in this competition. Beardfaceofficus is a long slow pulling down of the jaw. A lengthening, if you will, of the muscles and tendons, until they can not bear any more pressure. This is why bearded folk are usually smiling and, if they are not, they are probably resting their beards on their enormous Paul Bunyon-esque chests that only the manliest of men have.

They are certainly not having fun nor are you as funny as their faces might indicate.